The Ultimate Fantasy Preview

As if we needed any more reasons to be excited about the 2010 baseball season, March Madness delivered us one of the worst Final 4 fields ever assembled….just making it that much easier to focus on the task at hand: Fantasy Baseball. The stakes have been raised in this year’s version of the “Born Again League” with a $30 entry & 12 owners who actually give a shit about the welfare of their teams. We have a good mixture of teams who seem primed for success based on great keepers, and teams who are destined to be in rebuilding mode for a couple years (specifically my team). Without further ado, here’s one man’s opinion on the 2010 competition.

The Beckett List (formerly Dinkin Flicka)

1st pick in draft

Owner = Bryan “How did I get stuck with this Fucking team” Paul

2009 record = 3-18-1 (Last Place)

2008 record = 9-12-1 (7th Place)

It’s easy to criticize this team & much of its decision-making after last year’s debacle, but there’s been a change in ownership coming into 2010. New owner Bryan Paul has done everything in his power to distance himself from the dysfunctional and often-hated Mat Loving Regime. He’s come up with a snazzy new team name as well as new uniforms, logos and mascot. Unfortunately league rules forced Bryan to keep 4 players from this awful squad even though it probably would have been better to clean house entirely.

It looks as though Bryan kept the right players, with only Shin-Soo Choo as an alternate choice to his selected keepers of Brian McCann, Brian Roberts, Grady Sizemore, and Josh Beckett. McCann & Roberts carry slightly added value based on their positions of catcher and 2B, respectively. It seems like a good year to bet on Beckett since he’s playing for a contract. Quite simply there wasn’t much else to choose from amidst the garbage on this team.

For a team that went through a 10-game winless streak to end 2009, it’d be a huge victory just to stay competitive throughout the 2010 season. The local fans are hoping this new ownership can usher in an age of competitiveness that might lead to the team’s first playoff appearance in league history.

Polar Bears Rule II

2nd pick in draft

Owner = Jon “Fred” Friedner

2009 record = 8-12-2 (11th place)

2008 record = 8-13-1 (9th place)

What is there to say about a perennial underachieving team run by an owner who’s simply become disinterested? Fred is a guy who would skip class & sneak into a bar with a fake ID as recently as 7 years ago just to watch opening day baseball. Now? He didn’t even know there was a player on his beloved Mets named Jenrry (pronounced “Henry”). Maybe the Mets are to blame. A man can only take so many direct kicks to the groin before he simply walks away. But if you look closely at the last 2 years, at least this team’s record is moving in the right direction…The P.Bears are pacing for their first .500 record in 2015.

In looking at Fred’s draft from last season, it’s pretty safe to say I would never want to trust his instincts with anything, not even choosing a place to get dinner. Every move he made was the wrong move. Take a look at this amazingness from the 2009 draft: 1st round (keeper) = Reyes (36 games), 3rd round (keeper) = Manny (50 game suspension), 4th round = Beltran (81 games), 5th round = Delgado (26 games). Out of those 4 high picks, they played a combined 247 games. Stunning. And continuing this recklessness in the decision-making department, Fred found a gem in Pablo Sandoval when he drafted him in the 19th round…promptly dropping him on May 25th.

After selecting 6 Mets in last year’s draft, it seems like this team might want to hire a more objective co-owner or GM, but at least Fred isn’t afraid to cut dead weight, as evidenced by his not selecting Reyes as a keeper for 2010. Maybe this year try hoarding players from a more competitive team like the Pirates or Padres.

The Angry Brets

3rd pick in draft

Owner = Matt “the Machete” Blanchette

2009 record = 9-11-2 (T-9th place)

2008 record = 11-5-6 (4th place, runner up playoffs)

Trying to build momentum off their magical 2008 run to the Championship Game, the Angry Brets did the exact opposite in ‘09. Taking a step back would be an understatement for a team that was near the bottom of the league in Home runs, RBI, Wins, ERA, and WHIP. Inconsistency was the name of the game as the Brets never put together a win streak longer than 3 games.

There’s really no excuse for such a down year as the Owner of the Brets is the only person in the league who’s actual job revolves around covering sports. What does this say about the kind of sports coverage the good citizens of Lawrence, Kansas, are getting from Matt? I’m not sure, but I don’t like it. This year the pressure will be on even more for a solid draft as Matt can’t have much work to do with both KU & K State being done. What other sports could possibly need covering in Kansas right now?

In the Brets’ defense, it does seem like that spirited team who fought their way through the ‘08 playoffs got old in a hurry. It looks like Matt took some of the old-timers behind the proverbial shed and put them out of their metaphorical misery this offseason as guys like David Ortiz, Mike Lowell, Lance Berkman, and Roy Oswalt were all cut loose. One could question the questionable move of keeping a guy like Nick Markakis over Jason Werth, but that’s not what this blog is all about. It’s about encouragement. Good luck in 2010 Angry Brets.

Za Brah

4th pick in draft

Owner = Ryan “I don’t know how to pick keepers on time” Lavery

2009 record = 9-11-2 (9th place)

2008 record = 8-13-1 (8th place)

Za Brah owner Ryan Lavery caused the league office unnecessary stress at the keeper deadline when he pulled a “Boner” Stabone and was nowhere to be found. He luckily came out of hiding with about 10 minutes to spare, avoiding the awkward one-year banishment from the league. And that would have been unfortunate considering the keepers Za Brah ended up with. With a core of Albert Pujols (#1 fantasy player), Adrian Gonzalez (possibly smacking dingers over the Green Monster by August 1), Jacoby Ellsbury (who some are referring to as a “young Ross Gariepy”), and Johan Santana, the Brahs are set up nicely to make the playoffs for the 1st time in franchise history.

Unlike some other teams (mine), Za Brah didn’t whiff on any keepers from last year as all 3 have been selected once again by Ryan. That’s some solid long term management.

Some things that might have hurt this team last year: Chipper in the 4th round, Vlad in the 6th, Ben Sheets in the 10th, and Pat Burrell in the 11th. Oh and please feel free to keep selecting closers about 9 rounds before I even think of doing that. One final note for a team that seemed only a few pieces away from the playoffs last year: don’t be afraid to make some transactions throughout the season. They don’t cost anything, and you’re allowed to make more than 7. At one point the Brahs were sitting at 7-6 and then won only 2 of its final 9 games. You gotta wonder what a little in-season managing could have done for this team.

Team Seattle Mariner (formerly Team Cincinnati Reds)

5th pick in draft

Owner = Matt “MattyP” Preiss

2009 record = 9-9-4 (8th place)

2008 record = 6-16 (last place)

The average observer might not give this team a 2nd look, but lucky for you all, this blogger is no average observer. 2009 was actually a huge season for Team Seattle Mariner and owner Matt Preiss, who was self-admittedly on a short leash with the team’s fan base. After bottoming out in 2008, a .500 record and near-miss on last year’s playoffs equals massive progress in only 1 year. Zooming in on the stats, the Mariners led the league in RBI, finished 2nd in Home runs and OBP, and had respectable numbers in Wins (3rd) and Strikeouts (5th). After 14 weeks, the record stood at 7-6-1, already more wins than the entire ‘08 campaign. But tying 3 times in the final 6 weeks doomed the Mariners to an early winter.

Watch out league…on top of all that goodness mentioned above, the Mariners kept 2 elite boppers in A-rod & P-field as well as 2 frontline starting pitchers, Felix Hernandez & Zack Greinke. As a matter of fact, this team was the only one whose keepers all rank in the top 30 of ESPN’s 2010 rankings.

It seems like the only way this team’s momentum can be stopped is by the owner getting in his own way, as he often does. Fans would love to see management go after established, complementary players in the draft as opposed to the usual reclamation projects (think Griffey, Ken in past years) and youngsters not ready for prime time. When asked how he feels about this year’s draft, MattyP sounded relieved when he said, “Thankfully Brad Wilkerson retired.”

The Jew Lovers

6th pick in draft

Owner = Werner “don’t call me Justin” de Merode

2009 record = 11-11 (7th place)

2008 record = 14-6-2 (2nd place, playoff CHAMPION)

This team tends to catch everyone by surprise considering it’s owned by a European immigrant who often watches baseball and proclaims, “I don’t understand why they won’t kick the ball more often.” Of course it’s easy to call last year a disappointment--missing the playoffs all together after winning the League Championship in ‘08. But the Jew Lovers do look ready to make another run at the playoffs considering it kept its nucleus in tact (Ryan Howard, Roy Halladay & Josh Hamilton are all keepers for the 2nd straight season), and all Werner did for his 4th keeper was select the hottest name in baseball, Joe Mauer. This team boasts 3 keepers ranked in the top 20 of ESPN’s 2010 projections. Impressive.

As I said with the Za Brahs, it might be simply a case of the owner paying more attention and providing better in-season management. This team began the ‘09 campaign with a 6-1 record. After that, they suffered what we call a “major meltdown,” losing 10 of its final 15 games. And throughout it all, the owner who was lauded as a genius in ‘08 made only 6 transactions, last in the league in ‘09. Loyalty to your team often pays off, just not in this instance.

One thing to keep an eye on is the owner’s pending wedding in late May. Will the distraction of wedding week & subsequent gallivanting around the globe with his wife take away from valuable team management time? Will the wife take a controlling stake in the team’s day-to-day operations? If Werner can somehow balance his changing personal life with his very busy fantasy baseball life, things should work out just fine.

The Smell of Penetration (formerly Guido Sarducci)

7th pick in draft

Owner = Ross “Henry, Jimmy, different name every night” Gariepy

2009 record = 11-10-1 (6th place, lost semi-finals playoffs)

2008 record = 11-9-2 (6th place, lost semi-finals playoffs)

Mediocrity sucks. Take it from an owner who has finished in the middle of the pack, the last playoff spot, and almost identical (barely above .500) records for 2 straight years. This is not fun. Some would say owner Ross Gariepy got lucky last year when his team closed the season on a 6-1-1 tear in order to sneak into the playoffs. Many thought he had no business being in the playoffs, and he would have to agree. One thing the Penetration has going for it…every year it makes the playoffs it overachieves for 1 round, losing in the semi’s in close contests both times.

Things aren’t looking much better for this team in the short term. The stud of 2008, Brandon Webb, was an absolute disaster as a keeper for Ross last year, making only 1 start in all of ‘09. Two of this year’s keepers (Lester & Cliff Lee) are holdovers from 2008, but they don’t have the hype that surrounds some other team’s keepers. With this year’s other 2 keeper spots, Ross decided to go with youth over experience, keeping up-and-comers Jay Bruce & Adam Jones. The Penetrations said “Sayonara” to perennial keeper/all-star Ichiro. One has to wonder if this is the right move. Ross is already realizing the not keeping Robinson Cano is probably going to bite him in the ass.

Fans are excited that the owner spent the final 4 months of ’09 trekking across Europe & Australia looking for the next great international sensation. They are destined to be disappointed. Look for Ross to draft with youth in mind, building towards a powerhouse team in 2011 and beyond…hopefully while screwing someone more deserving out of the 6th playoff spot in 2010.

Red Red Even (formerly Wedding Planning)

8th pick in draft

Owner = Scott “nemesis of Ben” Paul

2009 record = 9-8-5 (5th place, lost 1st round playoffs)

2008 record = 5-14-3 (11th place)

If nothing more, owner Scott Paul has given his team perhaps the best name heading into the 2010 season…a name that conjures up images of dreamers, gamblers, wildness and pure luck. And maybe luck is what the Red Red Evens need after two straight blah seasons.

The ‘09 season didn’t start well for the Evens as 2 of the keepers, Rollins & Soriano, pretty much decided to take much of the year off. And with a one-and-done showing in the playoffs, fans will point to the Evens’ 2 regular season wins over archrival Dorchestah 34%ers as the only successful part of ‘09. As strange as it sounds, this team could have a 2-win season, but as long as those 2 wins are against their nemesis from the West, all is good with the fans.

Looking closely at the ‘09 numbers, it’s obvious that this team was built around pitching with almost no regard for offense. The Evens were 1st or 2nd in the league in 4 out of 5 pitching categories. That includes Strikeouts where they were 106Ks better than the next best team. Interestingly enough, Scott kept only 1 pitcher (Wainwright). The hitting was mostly atrocious except for Stolen Bases. Don’t sleep on this team, however, as the owner has a reputation that spans multiple leagues & sports as being a shrewd talent evaluator and a constant comber of the waiver wire.

TEAM Boats ‘n Hoes

9th pick in draft

Owner = Aaron “Pueto” Gariepy

2009 record = 11-8-3 (3rd place, lost 1st round playoffs)

2008 record = 13-7-2 (5th place, lost 1st round playoffs)

It’s not the 2 straight 1st round losses in the playoffs that have fans of the Boats ‘n Hoes upset. Not even last year’s 3-seeded 1st round playoff exit is the issue. Fans of this team are just asking the real Boats ‘n Hoes to show up for a full season. In ‘09 for example, the team owned by Pueto was winless in its 1st 6 games, then went on a tear, winning 9 of their next 10. They followed that up with a 4-game winless streak, and finished the year with back-to-back victories. Every time the fans thought they knew this team’s identity--BOOM--a flip around happened. Still, despite all the gray hairs Pueto has caused for the team’s fan base, they are at least trending in the right direction--playoffs in back-to-back years, strong enough regular season performances. Now comes the real challenge: winning a playoff game.

It’s beyond amazing how this team achieved such great stats in the pitching categories in ‘09. The Hoes ranked 2nd in Saves, 3rd in both ERA & WHIP, 4th in Strikeouts, and 5th in Wins. And yet as I look back on last year’s draft, here’s what I see from this team: Dan Haren, keeper (fine), James Shields in round 6 (oops), DiceK in round 7 (bigger oops), Joba in round 8 (terrible overall numbers), Kevin Slowey in round 14 (did he even pitch half a season?), Justin Duscherer in round 17 (definitely did not pitch last year). What am I missing here? How can you have that bad of a draft in pitching, specifically in 3 consecutive and important rounds (6-8) and still be at the top of all pitching categories? Maybe it was the back-to-back LA closers he selected in rounds 10 & 11 (Broxton, Fuentes). Somehow this juggernaut of a pitching team also ended the season with Brad Penny on its roster. I’m speechless.

Maybe Pueto knows something the rest of us don’t about pitching and the waiver wire because this year all 4 keepers for the Hoes are on the offensive side. It looks like a good move for a team that struggled in the power categories in '09. According to ESPN’s 2010 projections, Pueto selected the best 1-2 keeper combination out of any team with Hanley (ranked 2nd) and Matt Kemp (6th). After that he went for the positional value with Brandon Phillips (ranked 39th) and the hopes of a return to MVP form by Justin Morneau (51st).

The Pigeon Boys (formerly Melody Maids)

10th pick in draft

Owner = Neil “living in my youngest brother’s shadow” Gariepy

2009 record = 15-6-1 (1st place, lost semi-finals playoffs)

2008 record = 13-6-3 (3rd place, lost 1st round playoffs)

No one throws up more smoke screens & diversions about how much he truly cares about fantasy baseball than Pigeon Boys owner Neil Gariepy. When asked for a quote for this blog, Neil responded, “Forced rebuilding in progress due to not caring about baseball.” And yet, over the past 2 years, this team has won 28 games, more than any other team (unconfirmed). Furthermore, the same thing happens each year: Neil pretends he doesn’t give a shit about baseball, and then I inevitably see that year’s Baseball Prospectus book at his house with jizz stains on nearly every page. So does Neil care about the annual fantasy league? You make the call.

Now for the bad…maybe it’s a bit early to call the Pigeon Boys the “San Diego Chargers of the Born Again League” but one more year of being a regular season force and a playoff punching bag and the title will certainly fit. Sure, the owner was able to pocket a bit of cash after last year’s regular season championship, but do you think the fans care about regular season titles? Some would say the writing was on the wall going into last year’s playoffs as the Boys won 11 of their 1st 13 games before stumbling to the regular season title with a .500 record over the final 9 weeks. Peaking too soon is another staple of a Neil-owned team. But in the giving credit where credit is due department, this team ranked 1st in 5 categories last year, including saves where it led the next closest team by 56. The Boys also ranked 3rd in 2 other categories.

The outlook for 2010 is sunny with a chance of awesomeness based on the keepers Neil is rolling over from last year. This will be the 2nd straight year of keeping studs Braun, Lincecum and Pedroia. Added to that mix is 4th keeper Justin Upton. There is no team who would have benefited more (although Ben could make the argument) if the league had decided to just roll over everyone’s teams from last year, as the Boys have 10 players from last year’s roster ranked in the top 70 of ESPN’s 2010 projections. While there may be other teams who kept players with top-tier potential, no keepers are more of a sure thing than the Pigeon Boys.

Dorchestah 34%ers

11th pick in draft

Owner = Ben “flamenda bubbles” Sardella

2009 record = 13-6-3 (2nd place, lost in championship game)

2008 record = 15-6-1 (1st place, lost semi-finals playoffs)

Dorchestah meet the Atlanta Braves; Braves meet Dorchestah. It seems that what the Braves were to MLB in the late ‘90s/early 2000s, Dorchestah is to fantasy sports. Always a regular season leader; always a step or 2 short of ultimate glory. And you just gotta feel for 34%ers owner Ben Sardella because nobody pours his heart & soul into his team like Ben. No one is more willing to let work suffer in order to roam the waiver wire; no one is more willing to sit on the couch watching game after game, getting fatter by the second in order to see every possibly player that could benefit his team. This of course is reflected in Dorchestah’s perennial “win” of the transactions category, leading the league last year with 38 moves. On top of the heartbreak of losing the championship game, the 34%ers also lost both regular season match ups to its East Coast adversary, Red Red Even (like most rivalries, no one really knows how this one started, but it’s a rivalry as old as time itself).

It seems like every year offense is the name of the game for the 34%ers. Last year they ranked no lower than 5th in any offensive category (including 49 more Home runs than the next closest team). While Ben’s team had decent Strikeout and Win totals, the rest of the pitching suffered. It seems to be a staple of a Ben-led team, and this year should be no different as the owner selected 4 offensive stars as keepers (Miggy Cabrera, Holliday, Kinsler and Mark Reynolds). Like the Pigeon Boys, the 34%ers would have benefited with even more keepers as they had 9 players on last year’s roster crack the top 70 in ESPN’s 2010 projections. Key “chemistry” guys like Jeter & Bay were left off the team this year simply because there was no room.

With such great regular seasons followed by disappointment in the playoffs every year, one has to wonder if all the in-season moves Ben makes causes chemistry problems in the clubhouse. But no one can blame Ben for running this team a bit like the Patriots; no one player is more valuable than the team, and everyone is expendable at any point in the season.

One final note: Ben seems to pull a bizzaro Neil every year where he actually does openly care about fantasy baseball when the season first starts. But no one, and I mean NO ONE, is quicker to say “I give up on this team” than Ben. And of course, when the team turns it around and starts to win again, who’s there to take all the credit? That’s right, Mr. This is How We Do it in Dorchestah himself.

Hackin Holt’s

12th pick in draft

Owner = Graham “should I throw this peanut down that girl’s ass crack” Holt

2009 record = 11-9-2 (4th place, playoff CHAMPION)

2008 record = 7-13-2 (10th place)

Well it’s nice that this team caught lightning in a bottle and won the championship last season because there wasn’t much else good about the Holt’s 2009 campaign. It’s actually amazing that this team was able to win the playoffs considering it had to face the #1 & 2 teams in the league with such a mediocre team. The Holt’s barely finished above .500, and more shockingly they were middle of the pack for almost every statistical category. No one area stood out as above average or below average. Everything was just, um, average.

And in this commissioner’s opinion, it was good to see owner Graham Holt win this league considering in real life he has to root for the SF Giants. That hasn’t been fun for roughly 7 years. And when Lincecum gets caught up in a steroid scandal this year, well, just know I’ll be going to Graham’s place of work & home to take away all sharp objects.

Looking back on the ‘09 draft, it seems like Graham found a hidden gem in round 15 when he drafted Mark Reynolds. Unfortunately somewhere along the way he dropped or traded Reynolds (too lazy to look). If there was one other obvious mistake in the Holt’s ‘09 draft, I think it would be the Brad Lidge pick in round 7. But hey, all those kinds of mistakes are forgotten when your team is standing on floats riding down Main St. during its victory parade. For 2010, Graham went with balance keeping two offensive players (Teixeira & Wright) and two starting pitchers (Sabathia & Cain). It probably hurt to let go of a potential young stud like Matt Wieters, but Graham opted for hometown hero Cain instead. Here’s hoping you made the wrong move. When asked for a quote for this blog, Graham responded, "Who the hell schedules a draft on the last day of the month?" ...gotta love these sales guys.

If you’ve read this much, congratulations! You have a high tolerance for nonsensical writing. And hopefully you’ve wasted enough time where I’ve achieved my goal of distracting you from studying up for tonight’s draft.