After just about one-third of the season, things are finally starting to get interesting. You a-holes at the top of the standings probably don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. You’re probably sitting there feeling like you’re on top of the world, but little do you know us bottom-feeders are coming for you. No, I’m not getting all high on myself after 1 measly win (though I’ll probably celebrate that further down in this post). But several teams who were near the top of my “power rankings” just a few weeks ago are suddenly beginning to tank it, even if their actual record doesn’t reflect it. This week 4 of the top 5 teams from those power rankings would have done terribly if they had played each team in the league. Those teams are Boats ‘n Hoes (3-8), Pigeon Boys (0-11, for the 2nd straight week), Dorchestah 34%ers (3-8), and Hackin’ Holts (1-10, for the 2nd straight week). As a matter of fact, this is starting to look more like a trend and less like an aberration. (And yes, Ben, I’m refusing to acknowledge your team’s name change because this league is nondenominational & you’ve specifically upset the Jews with it.)
On the flip side, some of us towards the bottom of my power rankings are really starting to make moves. Za Brah & Boston Pancakes, ranked 11th & 10th in my standings respectively, would have each been 20-2 had they played every team the last 2 weeks. My team--appropriately ranked 12th in my standings--finally had a winning week in the real world & in my fake (sideways?) world. I would have gone 9-2 this week against the league.
So the short story is watch out overachievers, we’re coming for you. There’s a lot of season left, and I have a strong suspicion that things are just going to get tighter & tighter in the standings. As a matter of fact, I’ve given up on trying to trade away useful players in exchange for keepers for the future because I’m positive I’ll have a .500 record in just 5 weeks. Speaking of trading, it’s getting quite obvious that owners are finally understanding what they have with their teams and starting to make the appropriate moves. I’m privy to a lot more information than most of you & it sounds like there is a lot of behind the scenes “wheeling & dealing” going on at the moment. Wouldn’t surprise me at all to see a bunch of trades go through in the next couple weeks. And it would surprise me even less if Ben was involved in every one of them.
Speaking of my favorite ADD-ridden owner, I am pleased to announce that as expected, Ben has done a complete 180 on his team in the last week. If you remember just over a week ago, Ben made a trade with Beckett List owner Bryan Paul that clearly demonstrated the Dorchestah’s putting all their eggs in this year’s proverbial basket. He traded away 2 possible keepers for a 4-player package that likely includes no keepers for next year. To further illustrate Ben “going for it” this year, when the trade was processing
he actually told me, “I’m going for it this year.” Hand to God, he said that. Flash forward (2nd “Lost” reference of the blog) to this past Sunday night where after a lovely sushi dinner, Ben says, “I don’t know what to do. I might have a fire sale soon.” Four days after that trade went through…before he even had a chance to insert the new players into his lineup… I wanted to write the word “stunning” just now, but it’s really not at this point. Also, did everyone catch how I finally made a near-perfect prediction? Claiming that Beckett (who Ben traded for) would be on the DL by last week’s end. Feels good to be right 1 time.
This seems like a good time to let Bryan, Neil, Aaron and Ben know that they may be getting a little luck for next week’s matchups (week 9) as each of you get to play a team owned by someone who will be on a remote island where there’s no internet access, and really no access to the outside world. So the chances of us (Me, MattyP, Fred, and Jennifer’s husband) accidentally starting people on the DL is very high. Wait, St. Thomas is a mostly uninhabited, non-civilized island, right? At the very least, don’t expect a blog update from me until late next week if at all.
Is it me, or are a lot of our teams getting slightly screwed over by the token player who gets hurt during a Monday game and ends up missing the rest of the week? That’s happening to me this week with some random reliever I picked up & it’s quite frustrating. Not that there’s any fix to this; just bad luck I suppose.
And now, a few thoughts on each of your teams….
Jew Lovers (Jen’s husband) 6-1
Nice little start for a team that finished in 7th place last year. Big win in week 7 over Hackin’ Holts, who was vying for a 1st place record. With 5 wins in a row, this team is en fuego. As if Werner’s team needed any more help, he gets to play the Pigeon Boys this week, a team that is in an absolute free fall right now. It’s pretty amazing that Barry Zito’s numbers are nearly identical to Roy Halladay’s, and this team owns both players.
By the way, Werner, you’ll be pleased to know Beltre has 2HR through 3 innings of the Sox game I’m currently watching. He’s also got 7RBI this week already. He’s also on your bench.
Boats ’n Hoes (Pueto) 6-1
Tied for 1st place with Jew Lovers, this team would be undefeated if not for a loss to those Semite Lovers in week 3. Not that owner Aaron Gariepy is complaining…he should feel extremely lucky to have been matched up with the Pigeon Boys last week. The Pigeons were 1 of only 3 teams that the Boats could have beat. Further worrying Aaron is that his numbers are trending in the wrong direction. The offensive numbers are still fantastic as the Boats rank 1st in Runs, HR, RBI, and 2nd in OBP. The pitching stats are the real concern…Looks like Aaron’s at least being smart by sitting John “white DiceK” Lackey this week. He’s already laboring in the 1st inning of the Sox game that I’m watching.
Randomly interesting stat: the top 2 teams have made the least amount of transactions during the year (so far).
Hackin’ Holts (Graham) 4-3
If last week’s matchup against the J-Lovers was a statement game, then owner Graham Holts’ statement must have been, “I’m not ready to be up there with the big boys…think I’ll hang tight in the middle of the pack & try to make another improbable championship run.” We’ll see how the team recovers this week against the surging Pancakes. A poor showing this week will mean a 3-game losing streak. If that happens, Graham, I can always comfort you. After all, I’ve had 2 back-to-back 3-game losing streaks already this year. Only 1 win in 6 starts last week for the Holts really screwed them. Matt Cain, specifically, got dicked, throwing 2 quality starts last week including an 8-inning, no earned runs outing, with nothing to show for it. Definitely a microcosm of what’s going on with the Giants at this time.
Boston Pancakes (MeMattP) 4-3
For the definition of surging, look no further than this team. Sure, MattyP’s team is only on a 2-game win streak, but the numbers they’ve been putting up in these 2 weeks are incredible. I’m already excited to see this team get out to a 10-4 start, and then watch them crumble & limp their way to an 11-11 record for the year (Matty’s shaking his head in disappointed agreement right now). What a dominating offensive week for the Pancakes: only 2 players without a HR, only 1 player without multiple RBI, and only 1 player below a .375 OBP. It’s all finally coming together, Matty. Nothing can stop you now.
Polar Bears Rule II (Ben Linus) 4-3
If someone was in this room with me right now, they’d say 2 things. One: “Ross, put some pants on & throw your spank rag away. Aaron’s gonna be home soon.” And two: “You’ve been staring at your computer screen without typing for 28 minutes. What’s up?”
This space is usually reserved for saying negative things about my dog-humping friend Fred, but I just can’t do it today. His team has won 4 of 5, and has jumped all the way up into a tie for 3rd. In a way I feel a bit abandoned because I thought Fred & I would coast to 3-19 records together this year. Oh well, guess I’ll just have to count on Blanchette for that.
Damnit…even Hafner is starting to put up respectable numbers. (RECYCLED JOKE ALERT): Fred, just know that when Konerko gets banned for 50 games later this year, I am taking away 3 of your wins from the beginning of this season.
Pigon Boys (Man in Denial) 4-3
When I asked Pigeon Boys owner Neil Gariepy if he was concerned about his team basically not showing up for 2 straight weeks, he said he wasn’t the least bit worried. He claimed he hasn’t thought about shaking up his team with a trade or roster move. But I’m guessing we’re about 1 week away from the typical, “How soon is fantasy football starting?” comments.
The Pigeons have now had back-to-back weeks where they couldn’t have beat a single team in the league. So what’s going on with this previously-thought-to-be-powerhouse? Well offensively, everyone is struggling besides Justin Upton & Adam LaRoche. Unfortunately for Neil, LaRoche has been on the bench during his hot streak. The pitching numbers are almost equally as bad over the last 2 weeks (Rafael Soriano not included). One thing that jumps out from week 7: Hoffman & Papelbon combining for a 2.2 inning, 7ER line. And yet somehow, the Pigeons narrowly won the ERA category.
Za Brah (RyLav) 3-4
If I mentioned the Pancakes are surging, then it’s only fair to say the same for the Brahs. They’ve been on fire the last 2 weeks, putting up similar numbers to those Pancakes. The Brahs 2 recent wins have also come against 2 teams thought to be at the top of the food chain earlier this year (Pigeons & Dorchestah). Out of the 7 categories that Ryan’s team won against Ben last week, 6 of them weren’t even close.
Here’s a random, yet relevant, question. Who the hell is Jose Bautista and how in the hell does he have 15HR already this year? When I clicked on his name, I honestly expected to see a picture of Tony Bautista. But not only do they have very different skin pigments, but Jose is about 7 years younger. Anyway, his career high in HR is 16, so uhh, please refer to the above joke about Paul Konerko.
If the Brahs can take down the Pbears this week, then they may be looking at a 7-4 record at the half way point because the following 3 weeks Ryan’s team is up against the 3 worst teams in the league.
Red Red Even (Capt. Bad Luck) 3-4
If Red Red Even owner Scott Paul was in Vegas over these last 3 weeks, he wouldn’t have just lost his entire life savings at the tables. His hotel room would have been broken into (twice), he would have totaled his rental car (after declining the insurance), and even if he hadn’t stepped into a strip club or whore house, he would have contracted a minimum of 4 new STDs. That’s how awesome Scott’s luck has been lately.
If I ever consider giving a refund to someone in this league (which I won’t), it would be Scott for the 2010 season. Any time the owner of a 1-6 record feels this bad for you, something’s terribly wrong. If the RRE’s played every team in the league each week, he’d be 24-9 over the past 3 weeks. Again, no wins to show for that record. In my ongoing tracking of the “fake standings,” Scott’s team is still way ahead of the field (59-18 record, compared to Boats ‘n Hoes in 2nd place with a 50-27 record).
This is typically where I write, “Don’t worry, Scott, you get to beat up on my team this week.” But I feel pretty confident Scott’s gonna be looking at a 4-game losing streak after this week.
And in the “adding insult to injury” department…hope you enjoyed Rollins’ 5 games back. He looked great over that stretch.
Dorchestah 34%ers (The Man with No Direction) 3-4
Another team on a 3-game losing streak. Interesting that arch nemesises (nemisi?) Ben and Scott are running teams that are exact parallels of each other. The big difference: in this 3 game stretch, Dorchestah’s record against the entire league would be 12-21. So this losing streak is actually quite warranted. I’ve said it before…maybe it would be wise to let this team “settle in” a bit, you know, instead of overhauling the roster every 10 days. Just a suggestion. I already wrote too much about this team at the top of the blog (to make sure no one skipped that goodness) so I’ll leave it at that for now. I’m excited to check back with Ben next week to see what his next strategy shift is.
Ahh, 1 more thing. These next 2 weeks (8 & 9) Ben gets the honor of facing both 6-1 teams.
Beckett List (Time for a name change?) 2-5
My suggestion is to change your team name to “Papi Lista.” Papi = David Ortiz, Lista = List. Because let’s face it, Ortiz is the best hitter in baseball at the moment. For the entire month of May really. The Becketts picked Ortiz up on May 14 & promptly inserted him into the lineup last week. Bryan was rewarded with 2HR, 5RBI, .471OBP. Of course, the Becketts still didn’t get the win. I wonder how many other owners contemplated picking up Papi, but decided against it. I took a look at Papi about 15 days ago and decided my bench players were all too good to drop for him. Smart moves by me as usual.
I think we’ll know a lot more about this team in 3 weeks. Bryan gets to face 3 of the worst teams in the league. After that, we’ll know for sure if this truly is a rebuilding year as many have expected.
Angry Brets (Wait ‘til Next Year?) 2-5
Ahh the infamy of being the team to let the last winless team get a W. Great work Angry Brets. You woke a sleeping giant. But owner Matt Blanchette can hardly stay worried about the embarrassing loss in week 7 when his team has so much else to worry about. What is there to worry about, you ask? How about the fact that this team ranks no higher than 7th in any statistical category except Saves (2nd).
As I review my comments about this team from the Fantasy Preview, I can’t help but laugh at my praise of Matt letting go of Ortiz. I also questioned the keeping of Nick Markakis over Jason Werth. It’s safe to say if Matt could have a do-over, maybe detonate an H-bomb and reset time (Lost reference #4!), he’d probably keep both Ortiz & Werth over Markakis…and maybe even over B.J. Upton.
Sorry Matt, but teams like ours get the least amount of words dedicated to them in the blog.
Smell of Penetration (Projected 2010 Fantasy Baseball Winner) 1-6
I’m excited about this team, and you’ll all see why in the coming weeks. It’s finally coming together. And no surprises that it mirrors the Red Sox resurgence into the mix for divison lead. Just as Theo in his infinite wisdom constructed a slow-starting powerhouse for 2010, so to have I also done the same..,thing. Remember that I lost 2 weeks ago because of 1SB on the final day of the week. If not for that, I’m on a 2-game win streak heading towards 3 straight. You’ve been warned.
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